Interesting, you've got that weird style of writing events as they happen - I primarily write in 3rd person (semi-omnsiscient). Don't you think it might be easier if you spaced out the paragraphs a bit differently? For example:
“Good god, are you ever going to get over me?†Compendium cuts Yuki off, slightly lifting his head from the book he was completely immersed within. “Why should I?†Shiro pauses for a second and sniffles as her eyes begin to tear up.
“Good god, are you ever going to get over me?†Compendium cuts Yuki off, slightly lifting his head from the book he was completely immersed within.
“Why should I?†Shiro pauses for a second and sniffles as her eyes begin to tear up.
Sorry if I've got the wrong person speaking, but hopefully you get my drift, and do you see the confusion it causes if it's all bundled together?
In other news, the concepts there are fascinating! Is it all a fanfic, or your own ideas? (I've never actually heard of any of it)